Welcome to the

VOW

WRITING GUIDE

Modern wedding vows can be whatever you want!

Here's a few little pointers to hopefully ease those nerves and help you seriously wow with your vows.

No pressure from me to do vows but I’m here to help if you need.

It’s important to chat with each other first to set a few parameters around your vows, this way you’ll both be on the same page and instantly feeling more relaxed and ready to make a start.

Format

Are the vows going to be a surprise to each other, are they going to be the same word for word or are you going to write them together?

Are you thinking of doing a first look? You could share vows at this point also. They could be the same vows you will read at your ceremony.

You could potentially write two vows, one that is just for you and your partner and one for your guests. The private ones could be a bit more emotional, funnier or even naughty if that’s your thing.

Photo: @imjoshhuggett

Length

Whilst there’s no standard length for vow’s, it’s important to set a rough guide.

For example you could settle on between 200 - 300 words, 3 sentences, no shorter than 4 sentences and no longer than 8 sentences or it could be 1 – 2 pages or anywhere in between, whatever you both agree on will be the right length.

We’re not talking an exact amount but so you’re both in the ballpark.

Photo: @rexvil.photography

Tone/ theme

Once again set some loose parameters of the tone of your vows.

There is no wrong tone but think about the vibe of your wedding. What’s the vibe of your day? Let that vibe reflect the vibe of your vow’s but do what makes you feel comfortable. If you’re naturally more reserved people and your day is more reserved or formal than you can follow that, however if you’re party people with a party crowd ramp it up, if heartfelt is your thing, go for all those lovey lines or if your relationship is about banter then pop in a few little funny’s (but remember there could be Nanna listening).

Whatever your style, I suggest keeping it positive and on brand.

You could set a theme for your vows: Example serious but sweet, light and lovely, reflective, funny and fun or any combination of what feels right for you.

Photo: @itsbennywylde

Inclusions/ non-inclusions

What do you want to include and what would you prefer stayed private?

A broad conversation about what you both would love to share and a pointed conversation about anything you would not like to be shared.

Photo: @travisandbennyweddings

Brainstorming

This part can be a little messy, but you can refine this later on. I suggest you just get out whatever thoughts you’re having about your partner and what you would like to include in the vows, this could be in written form, on your phone, in a word document, full sentences, dot points or whatever feels most comfortable to you.

Don’t put the pressure on yourself to do this all-in-one go. These notes can be formed from your normal day to day activities and think about what makes you smile, take notes when you’re out for a walk or on the train to work, when you’re cooking together or even a text message your partner may have sent you. The great thing is inspiration can come from anywhere.

If you’re still coming up blank, here’s a few questions or statements to begin with:

  • Remember when, a flashback or I’ll never forget?

  • What you thought of each other when you met?

  • Share some stories about what it’s like to be in your relationship.

  • Things that make each other laugh

  • Any comical misunderstandings?

  • Epic stories

  • Triumphant moments you’ve had as an individual, couple, or family.

  • If appropriate to you, share some stories or feelings around your kids or pets.

  • What makes you two just so right for each other?

  • When did you realise, they were the right person for you?

  • A couple of things you love about each other.

  • A couple of realistic promises

  • Some things that you can’t promise (example - I can’t promise I won’t sing Taylor Swift at the lungs in the car when she comes on the radio)

  • You could choose a quote from your favourite book, movie, song that is particularly special to you both.

Photo: @paulrowleyphotography

Qualities

What are their best qualities and what do you love about them?

What are qualities that you have personally grown or strengthened as a result of your partner.

What are some qualities that you have developed as a couple?

Photo: @rexvil.photography

The future

What are you excited about?

How do you want your marriage to go day by day and what are the things you’re looking forward to in the future or what adventures are you looking forward to tackling together?

Tell us about the best that is yet to come!

You could wrap up your vows with a simple I love you, something that feels more personal or something that you began your vows with, so it rounds out sweetly

Photo: @wilsonandlewis

Vow drafting and refinement

This is the part that couples love the most.

Once you’ve had a crack at putting something together, email it through separately to me. You can provide any questions you have, parts you may doubt or anything you want help with.

I’ll have a look at them individually and then as a pair to ensure they flow nicely, they complement each other, their tone, length and feel is in the ballpark and provide feedback with some minor adjustments where required. I’m here to pump you up and not mark it like a schoolteacher. I want you to feel confident and proud when you share your vows!

Photo: @rexvil.photography

Your wedding day

Your vows printed and order of vows.

On the day you just need to turn up, I’ll have them printed in a big font on A5 card/s with your legal vows at the top.

What’s the order?

If one of the parties is particularly an emotional person, then it could be preferable for them to go first.

However, if you want to have some fun, we can engage with your guests to suggest who goes first, if pets or children are present they can help to decide or a little old game of rock paper scissors or the shot game or more than open to suggestions to mix it up a little!

I’m happy to discuss this more.

Photo: @wilsonandlewis

Go time!

Just prior to vows I’ll shimmy in to speak with you both off mic, check those nerves and ensure your ready to share.

You then tell me if you’re happy to hold the vows and I’ll sneak off to the side otherwise I can pop beside you and hold the mic.

You don’t have to tell me this prior to the ceremony but it’s worth thinking about, of course nerves etc change so we’ll work it out on the day.

You don’t both have to do the same thing. One can hold the vows/ mic themselves and the other partner may want me by your side. YOUR CHOICE!

Photo: @richard_dibben_photography

Optional vow ideas

If after all this, the vows are still not sure about your vows, then you’ve always got options:

  • You could share your vows with each other at a first look

  • Read the same vows at a first look and your ceremony

  • Read the legal vows only at the ceremony

  • Share your vows in private during golden hour

  • Reading them out to each other quietly during the ceremony and not using the microphone so that only you two are present and hear those vows

  • Write them in a letter and seal them away and bring them out during the honeymoon, 1 month later, 6 months later or 1 year later or you choose the right moment.

I’m here to make your ceremony as comfortable and enjoyable as possible for you, if you have any questions, I’m here to help!

Photo: @lovewildweddings_

The vow writing guide + more.

I hope you’ve picked up a few ideas or these have created a few conversation starters with your partner.

My role as your celebrant is to guide you through your vows and help you to love them. It’s natural to feel nervous, the process of writing your thoughts then using a microphone to read them in front of people is not natural. But with my help I hope to make you love sharing your vows with the one you love.

Photo: @blushweddingphotography

Vow examples

Below I’ll include some examples of the way couples have structured their vows. By no means do you have to copy these or structure them this way. Do what feels right to you!

Photo: @lovewildweddings_

The promise flip

The promise flip person 1

I'm sure that life together won't always be smooth sailing, but I promise to always stand by you, to be honest with you and to be your biggest support.

I'll be someone you can always rely on and confide in.

I promise I will try to cope with last minute change of plans more calmly than I have in the past and I promise to show you every day that I know exactly how lucky and blessed I am to have you in my life.

But there are some things I can't promise.

I can't promise I won't play Taylor Swift songs at every opportunity I get.

I can't promise I won't buy anymore takeaway coffees even though you invested in an expensive coffee machine to stop me doing so.

And finally, I can't promise I won't tell you every single detail of my day from the moment I've opened my eyes, when you ask how my day has been.

If you're able to accept these things, I'm looking forward to this next chapter of our lives together and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us. (* Cough 2 dogs.)

The promise flip person 2

I can’t believe we are standing here today and I wanted to share a few promises with you.

I promise to always make you laugh and sometimes make you angry!

I promise to keep visiting parks as a family.

 I always promise to let you get a massage when you want.

I promise to encourage you to go to Taylor swift concerts and live your best swifty life!

I promise to never lose our spark and to always do the little things to make us happy. 

 

But here are some things that I can’t promise.

I can’t promise that I will stop being disorganised, but that is why we’re a perfect pair with how organised you are.

I can’t promise that I won’t leave cupboard doors open or wet towels on the bed.

I can’t promise that I won’t encourage (our child) to support England in the cricket.